Entry tags:

hp/dm, hpfol

FIC: Harry Potter and the Facts of Life ch 5
Title: Harry Potter and the Facts of Life
Author: roedhunt
Pairing(s): HP/DM
Rating: NC-17
Summary: A humorous take on Harry Potter learning about his body through the years. Things start really heating up when Draco Malfoy enters in as the wicked teacher.
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters and situations created and owned by JK Rowling, blah blah blah.





Chapter Five

It has been three days since Draco Malfoy agreed to help Harry Potter find a “girl”. Well, sort of agreed. He did say he would try. It was agonizing for Harry. And he suspected Draco knew that too. Just like Malfoy to make Harry wait. And, for three days Ron found it difficult to watch his best friend struggle internally.

It was about 1:30 in the afternoon when Ron and Harry were playing a game of Wizard’s chess in the Great Hall. Draco Malfoy sat alone at the Slytherin table facing opposite Harry. It appeared as if Draco was studying. Harry kept glancing up at him looking for any sign of acknowledgement. Draco was aware of Harry’s constant gaze. Ron was aware of this as well. He just bided his time until Harry made another mistake at chess. He didn’t have to wait long.

“Damn it, Harry!”

“Sorry, Ron. I just have a lot on my mind.”

“I KNOW that. I’ve seen it for 3 DAYS now! Are you going to tell me or do I have to beat it out of you?”

“Sorry, Ron. It’s just…”

“I know. I know! But am I you're best friend or not? Now talk to me!”

Harry sighed as he closed his eyes. “All right,” he whispered. He opened his eyes to see a very concerned Ron. He closed his eyes again.

“Ron, how much do you know about girls?” he opened his eyes again. Only this time Ron had a look of shock.

“Is that what this is all about? I thought it was going to be about something serious.” He chuckled.

“This is serious, Ron.”

Ron blushed. “Sorry, Harry. I never realized…” A pause. “Is this why you have been consorting with Malfoy?”

Harry lowered his head. “Sort of.”

“I see. Well, what do you want to know? I’m sure I have more information than him.” He smirked as he turned to look across at Draco. “He doesn’t have a sister. And I think all those rumours about him are a big fat lie.” Ron grinned and winked at Harry. “So, what do you want to know?” he repeated.

“Well, what do you know?”

“I know they’re a pain in the arse.”

Harry smiled. “What else? Anything else? I mean have you ever done anything with a girl?”

“Like what?”

“I don’t know. Anything. Ever kiss a girl?”

“Sure. Loads of times.”

“With who? Hermione?”

Ron blushed again. “Uhm no, with my mum and Ginny.”

“Oh. Anyone else?”

“Uh, once when I was 12. She was the daughter of my dad’s best friend.”

“Did you, uh, use your tongue?”

Ron was suddenly tongue-tied. “Well, you see, we were young and I really didn’t, uh know that much. I mean I did know, but I haven't really…”

“Ever seen a girl naked? Aside from your mum and Ginny.”

“Gross! My mum and Ginny?! Disgusting!” Ron shuddered. “I’ve seen girls in magazines a few times. Of course they were older and, you know, well developed….”

“Yeah, I saw those too. From George and Fred.” Harry grinned.

“Did you see the ones that showed, uh, them doing things?”

“Like what?”

Ron giggled. “Licking a guys willy.”

Harry silently laughed. Ron had no idea that Harry was thinking about what Malfoy said.

‘I suppose YOU still call it a willy? ‘

“No, I never saw that one.”

“Ugh. It was disgusting.”

“Really?”

“Yeah, but they never showed where they suck it off.”

“Suck it off?” Harry asked innocently. He already knew the answer.

“Yeah. Fred and George told me. They literally suck it OFF.” Ron grimaced. “I never want that to happen! I prefer MINE intact thank you.”

“Oh. Yeah right.”

“Oh. You know what else they told me?” Harry shook his head. “If you shag them, they clamp down on you so you can’t break free. Humph. I can’t believe dad would let mum do that.” He shivered. “I wonder if he still has one.”

“I never knew that. But I guess since Fred and George are older than us, they would know, huh?”

“Yeah. Anything else?”

“So what happens if, uh, your finger, uh, you know... went inside?”

“Are you kidding? If they’d do that to my willy, they’d probably do that to my finger!”

“Yeah. No doubt.” Harry couldn’t believe Draco lied. No. He could believe it.

Harry glanced up at Draco again when Ron looked down for his next move. Draco was watching Harry this time. He motioned with his head and eyes to follow him. He mouthed ‘bathroom’.

Harry quickly looked at Ron. No, he didn’t notice.

“Say, Ron. I had too much pumpkin juice. I’ll be right back.”

“Okay mate. Hurry up though. I want you see me beat you.” he winked.

Harry smiled and got up to proceed to the nearest bathroom. He checked every corner.

‘Damn. Wrong one. ‘

He was about ready to leave until he heard one of the stalls open.

“It took you long enough.”

“You lied to me! I knew I shouldn’t have listened to you!”

“What are you going on about, Potter?”

“Ron told me everything! You were messing with me after all!”

Draco sighed. “And what did the weasel tell you?”

“Everything! I knew I should’ve gone to him instead.”

“And how does he know? Experience or did he learn about it through a muggle book?”

“How do you know about the mug… those kinds of books?” Draco rolled his eyes. “NO, he learned it from Fred and George.”

Draco started laughing hysterically. “Them?!” he sputtered.

“Stop laughing! It’s not funny! You're just jealous because they know more than YOU.”

Draco tried to stop. But he couldn’t.

“Fine! Go ahead and laugh! I hope you pee in your pants! I’m leaving! I have to go work on somebody’s report,” Harry snapped as he turned to the door.

Draco was doubled over holding his sides. “Wait, Potter. Wait.” Harry turned to face Draco. “If you want to know the truth,” he gasped. “Meet me at 7:30 near the Slytherin dorm.”

“Why should I?”

“I found a girl for you.”

Harry growled. “Fine!”

Harry left and heard Malfoy still laughing.

~*~*~*~*~

Harry Potter was not waiting patiently for 7:30 to arrive. He had been sitting in the Gryffindor common room for 2 hours already watching the time go by slowly. He told Ron that he was going to have one last visit with Draco Malfoy to end these “discussions”. Of course secretly, Harry WANTED to see if Draco had the promised “gift” for him. Harry found himself chewing his nails nervously. Something he hadn’t done in years. He scowled at himself then looked at the clock for the 20th time.

‘Arrgh! This is not making the time go by faster, Harry!’

Harry's mind started to wander, thinking of what Draco had said. “they use their mouth and suck my cock"….. “So, I learned how to give them one. In all sorts of ways”…. Harry could image the sucking part... sort of… but giving them one? Perhaps that was what Draco was doing to that first year Slytherin girl. But it looked as if she was in pain as well as pleasure. Maybe that’s what pleasure looks like on girls…

“Harry?”

Harry jumped up with a start and landed on the floor.

Ron sniggered. “Sorry, Harry. But isn’t it about time to head down and see Malfoy? It will take you a while to get there.”

Harry looked up at the clock. 7:13. “SHIT! I’d better get going! Thanks Ron.”

Ron nodded still smiling from the image of Harry landing on his arse. Harry dashed out of the common room and through the halls of Hogwarts so fast, that he stumbled and fell at least 4 times.

He finally reached the corridor that led to the Slytherin dorm gasping trying to catch his breath. It was empty. Did he miss him? Probably. Harry crept closer, but had a rush of fear that any moment a Slytherin would come out and confront him as to why he was in this vicinity.

He got as far as 30 feet from the portrait then his nerve began to fail him, so he turned to leave.

“You know, Potter, I really cannot tolerate this obsession you have with being late.”

Harry never imagined in his life he would be so happy to hear that Malfoy drawl. He turned to face him.

“Sorry, Malfoy. I was just …”

“Please, Potter. You're only embarrassing yourself further.” Draco replied. “Well? Are you ready?”

Was Draco serious? Of course Harry was ready. He was ready 3 DAYS ago! Harry didn’t want to look too excited so he only nodded. But as usual, Draco saw right through that and grinned.

“Well, come on then.”

Harry gulped. “But that’s the Slytherin common room.”

“You know, it always amazes me of how perceptive you are.” He sneered. “Now come on.”

Harry’s feet couldn’t move. Draco looked back at him as he reached the portrait.

Draco scoffed. “Potter, I don’t have all night.” A sigh. “Potter, there’s no one in there. Now move it!”

On any other occasion, Harry would have knocked Draco out, but this was NOT just any other time. Harry started to move so fast that he stumbled over his own feet. Draco shook his head and snorted. Harry had only been in the Slytherin common room once, but it still looked the same. Dark and gloomy, a fitting area for them. Draco made it to the back of the room before Harry spoke.

“W-where are we going?”

Draco ignored him and kept on walking. By this time he didn’t care if Harry was following or not. Harry picked up his pace and almost ran into Draco.

“In here.” He said opening the door.

Harry entered through the doorway and gasped. He had never seen such a beautiful room. The carpet was luscious dark green along with the velvet bedspread and the walls were adorned with portraits of past Slytherins.

“Would you stop gawking and get in so I can close the door?”

Harry reached the center of the room still trying to take in all the beauty. Draco motioned Harry to sit down on the chair that was in front of the fireplace.

‘Oh gods. They have a FIREPLACE’

“Is this your... uh... room?”

Oh this was a great time to lie. “No, Potter it’s not. I’m watching over it for the head boy.”

“Oh… Hey wait a minute! Where’s the girl? What kind of game are you playing at now, Malfoy?”

Draco crossed the room and sat in the chair opposite Harry.

“I’ve decided to change the deal.”

~*~*~*~*~

“WHAT? YOU CAN’T DO THAT! NOW WHAT DO YOU WANT??”

Draco shook his head. “Potter, will you please stop shouting. I’m right here.”

“BUT YOU JUST CAN’T….” Draco raised a hand to silence him.

“Perhaps I should bind your mouth. Maybe then you will listen to me.”

Harry gritted his teeth. He couldn’t believe he fell for Malfoy's trick again. “Fine, talk.”

“I’ve decided to do my own Transfiguration report.” He shot a look towards Harry’s gaping mouth and chuckled.

“So what do you WANT then?”

“If you could refrain from talking for two minutes I’ll explain.” Harry nodded grimly. “Good. I’ve come up with something better. And it will benefit you as well as me.”

Harry’s eyes and mouth opened wide and he wrinkled his nose in confusion. “Can you at least come up with a different stupid look?”

Harry snorted and folded his arms. Draco raised an eyebrow and shook his head.

‘Well, at least he did give a different stupid look.’

“I want to help you.”

Harry opened his mouth to argue back, but again Draco hushed him.

“Questions later, Potter.”

Harry frowned and Draco curled his mouth to a smile.

“In order do to this, I need to ask you a few questions.”

Harry opened his mouth again.

“Without questions, Potter.”

Harry closed it.

“Right then.” He paused. “What exactly did I lie about?” Harry’s mouth was tightly closed and his eyes narrowed. Draco scoffed.

“Gods, Potter, you can talk now.”

“Everything!”

“Well, that tells me a lot. Try starting somewhere.”

“Fine. You said a girl sucks your cock!”

“Yeah, and?”

“You never said she sucks it OFF!”

Draco's brows came to together. “Potter, it’s the same thing.”

“NO IT’S NOT! SUCKING ON IT AND SUCKING IT OFF IS TWO DIFFERENT THINGS!”

Draco’s eyes popped open and he began to sputter. “WHAT? Is THAT what the Weasley twins told the Weasel?!” Draco started choking in his fit of laughter.

“That’s it! You are NOT going to laugh at me AGAIN!” He yelled as he got up to leave.

“Wait!” Draco gasped. “WAIT! Come...cough...cough…back here…”

Harry turned around to see a very white faced Draco. Harry huffed and walked back to him.

“You know it serves you right.” He observed Draco's face. Draco was still choking. “Malfoy, stop it! It’s not going to work!”

Draco, by this time, was doubled over coughing with tears streaming down his face. He could barely breathe.

“DAMN IT MALFOY! I DON’T KNOW WHAT TO DO!” Harry cried in panic.

Harry knelt beside Draco and Draco immediately took hold of Harry’s arm. His chest was heaving trying to get some air.

“DRACO! DRACO! LISTEN TO ME! TRY TO BREATH! RELAX YOUR BREATHING! COME ON! YOU’RE SCARING THE SHIT OUT ME!”

Draco kept heaving. Harry sat in front of Draco and pulled his face up with his hands.

“LOOK AT ME GODDAMN IT! LOOK AT ME!”

Draco raised his blurry eyes to sparkling green ones.

“RELAX YOUR BREATHING! TRY TO TAKE A DEEP BREATH AND HOLD IT! YOU’RE HYPERVENTILATING!”

Harry began to take deep breaths hoping Draco would follow. It worked. Draco tried desperately to calm his heart by breathing when Harry did. He finally slowed his breathing down enough to talk.

“You called me Draco.”

Harry released his hands. “I did not!” Harry gazed at Draco’s tear streaked face. “Well, I had to get your attention somehow.”

After a pause they both started laughing. Draco started to cough again.

“Don’t you do that! I’m not going to call you Draco again!” Harry joked.

Between small coughs Draco smiled. “You just did.”

Harry shook his head. “You’re sick.”

~*~*~*~*~

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