InsaneJournal

FIC: Shell Shock ch 2
~*~*~*~*~


Title: Shell Shock
Author: roedhunt
Pairing(s): Harry/Snape
Rating: NC-17
Summary: The war was now over, but the memory of it still plagues Harry.
Highlight for Warnings: *Mention of minor character deaths, brief cutting scene, language*
Disclaimer: This story is based on characters by JK Rowling. No money is being made and no copyright or trademark infringement is intended.
A/N: Written for the Snarry Games. I want to thank the following for helping me ! I couldn’t have done it without you! eyesemerald, lemonade7, rakina, and igtow.




Chapter Two


~*~*~*~*~


The first thing Severus did when he entered into his quarters was to march straight over to his small bar. He picked up one of the flasks with brandy in it, then stopped and looked down. It wouldn’t do him any good if he was intoxicated, would it? Not when he had to watch that idiotic boy all bloody night! It suddenly occurred to Severus that he was actually considering Albus’ request and he became more furious than he already was. He cried out in anger and threw the brandy across the room and into the fireplace just to release some frustration. He unceremoniously sat down on the sofa and began to grind his teeth together. Severus' leg started bouncing as he stared into the flames, cursing under his breath.

Why was Potter doing this to him? Wasn’t it enough that Severus had saved the fool’s life? Sure, it had been the brat’s testimony which had kept him out of Azkaban, but this? Why this?

And just what was the real reason behind Potter's decision to become a Potions master?

Severus let his head fall back and closed his eyes, but then opened them just as quickly. It also wouldn’t do him any good to fall asleep; he’d just have to deal with Albus again and eventually--him.

'Better get this over with as soon as possible,' Severus thought tiredly.

With a groan, Severus rose to his feet and glanced at the clock on the wall. He knew Potter would still be awake so he didn't have to worry about finding him in bed drugged--he really should have thrown the damn things away--but there was still the matter of telling Potter he was going to be ‘watched’ tonight. Severus curled his lips in disgust at the image of confronting him.

Perhaps he should use a Muting Charm.


~*~*~*~*~


Harry's hands trembled as he uncorked the phial. He closed his eyes tightly and raised it to his mouth. He needed this. He did. He would just have to suffer with the consequences--and with Snape--tomorrow. But as soon as the precious liquid touched his lips, Harry’s eyes snapped open and they met with the pair of green ones staring back at him in the mirror.

“Fucking Snape!”

Harry stormed out of the bathroom and into his lounge where he flung the glass into the fireplace. It immediately exploded, but Harry barely blinked at the flash of light nor did he cringe at the loud explosion. Instead, he walked over in front of the sofa and plopped down, leaning his head back against the cushions. His eyes fluttered shut but he quickly opened them. He couldn’t fall asleep. Not now. He would just do what he always did when he ran out of the potion.

Strong coffee and plenty of cigarettes.

Harry pushed himself off the sofa with a groan and headed towards his small bar. He picked up his pack of fags and lightly tapped it on the side of his hand until one peeked out. After pulling it out and placing it against his lips, he reached for his wand.

"Incendio."

Harry smiled as he inhaled, making the tip of his cigarette turn a bright red. He held the smoke in and let his eyes fall shut. This was bliss. It was one of the things no one could take away from him. If he wanted to fuck up his lungs, it was his problem, not theirs.

Harry sputtered and started coughing as soon as the pounding started.

He knew who it was. Snape. Fucking Snape.

“What?” Harry yelled, upon seeing Snape's face in the doorway when he threw the door open.

Snape said nothing at first, merely crinkled his nose at the smell of smoke coming off Harry's body. Harry raised a brow in a daring manner but then yelped when Snape pushed him roughly aside and proceeded inside.

“What the...! What the bloody hell are you doing?”

Snape didn’t pause but continued on till he reached the bar. He picked up Harry's pack of cigarettes.

“Put those down, you bastard!”

Snape turned back to him and held them out to Harry, shaking them as he spoke.

“I do not care if you wish to endanger your life, Mr Potter, but if you are seriously considering becoming a Potions master, you will need to stop this disgusting habit at once.”

“What?” Harry cried. “Who the hell are you to tell me what to do and what not to do?”

Snape advanced slowly, still holding the pack out and pushed it into Harry's chest.

“I am the one who is training you and it is I--”

“So what?” Harry snapped, interrupting him.

Snape leaned down till their noses were almost touching.

“Do you have any idea what this does to a person’s sense of smell?”

“I don’t ca--” Harry stopped short and then blinked. He'd never thought of that.

Fucking Snape.

Seeing the look of comprehension on Harry's face, Snape pulled back and his mouth turned into a satisfied smirk. Harry snatched his cigarettes from Snape's hand with a scoff and then tossed them into the fireplace.

“Happy now?”

“Hardly. You will only obtain more tomorrow.”

Harry frowned. He didn’t want to continue this argument because who knew? There could be a chance he’d get some tomorrow. He changed the subject quickly.

“Would you mind telling me why you here?” He paused. “Again.”

Snape's smirk faded and seeing it made Harry inwardly smile. Instead of answering, however, Snape walked casually over to the sofa and sat down.

“Hey! Just what do you think you’re doing?”

“Since you are without your precious potion tonight,” he stopped and raised an eyebrow as if to confirm that and Harry reluctantly nodded. “I have been assigned to…‘watch’ you as you sleep.”

There was a few seconds of deafening silence before--

“WHAT?”

Harry couldn’t believe it. He was to be watched? By Snape? Unthinkable! Suddenly, all Harry's rational thought processes were abandoned and he began shouting, cursing, pointing, and throwing out accusations as he stormed back and forth in his chamber. Snape on the other hand, was sitting quietly watching him which, of course, angered Harry that much more.

Harry didn’t know exactly how much time had passed when he was finally able to hear the sounds of the crackling fire. His head was pounding from the abrupt silence so he walked over to the bar and bent over the top of it. He raised his head slightly and his eyes fell onto the bottle of alcohol. Harry closed his eyes and smiled.

Just what he needed.

Harry straightened his back and gingerly picked up the bottle.

“That will only intensify the dreams.”

Harry spun around, the bottle scarcely missing Snape's head as it whizzed by and exploded into the fireplace. Snape didn’t so much as blink.

“Damn it! I can't take the potion, I can't smoke, I can't have sex because of what … who I am, and now I can’t even fucking drink?”

Harry turned back around and clenched the edges of the counter again and pumped his arms, thrashing his entire body down and up until he finally stood motionless and only a small tremor lingered. He finally hung his head in defeat and tried to take deep breaths through his nostrils just to calm himself. When he figured enough time had passed, Harry pushed away and headed over to his bedroom.

“Where are you going?” Snape calmly asked.

“To the loo! Is that all right or do I have to stay in your presence all fucking night?” Harry shot back over his shoulder.

“I was merely curious.”

Harry growled, “Of course you were,” as he entered his room.

Harry closed the door behind him and walked to the bathroom and locked the door. He immediately lifted the lid of the commode and pulled out a knife from the water and shook it dry. He rolled up his left sleeve and stood before the mirror, staring at himself as the blade pierced his skin. He only stopped when he could actually feel the cuts and winced as he looked down into the sink. Too much blood. Harry turned the tap on and rinsed his left arm off before obtaining a white towel from the drawer. He patted his skin carefully before holding it down, firmly wrapping it around the wounds.

Harry waited a few minutes before grabbing another flannel from the drawer and a small phial. He peeled back the bloody rag, uncorked the bottle with his teeth, and slowly poured the liquid over his cuts. He hissed as it absorbed into the thin lines and he clenched his jaw, trying to block the pain.

Wrapping the new clean flannel around his arm securely, Harry lowered his shirtsleeve and buttoned it closed. He took several calming breaths, opened the door and walked over to the bedroom’s fireplace. He fire-called Dobby for some strong coffee. The little house-elf was there in seconds and Harry smiled and nodded his thanks. Harry watched Dobby disappear into the green flames and lowered himself to the sofa. He closed his eyes as the rim of the cup touched his lips and swallowed half of it. Harry wasn’t surprised a bit, nor did he move a muscle, when he heard the door open.

“What are you doing?”

Eyes still closed, Harry replied, “What does it look like?”

Snape made a noncommittal noise in his throat and gently took the cup from Harry's hand. Harry glared at him.

“What? Do you think I’m stupid enough to drink when I knew you'd eventually be coming in here?”

Snape wrinkled his nose as he sniffed the contents and Harry shook his head before looking back at the fireplace. Through his peripheral vision, he could see Snape set the cup down on the table next to him.

“It’s getting cold,” Snape stated, referring to the coffee.

Harry scoffed then cried out, “Dobby!”

In a flash of light the little elf popped in, refilled the cup to the rim and disappeared with a lingering smile.

“Happy?”

“You do realise that will make it harder to fall asleep.”

Harry snapped his head to the side and looked up. “Who said anything about falling asleep?”

Snape arched a brow at him then walked over to the chair next to the couch and gracefully sat down. Harry followed his every movement and his eyes widened when he saw that Snape had a small glass in his hand.

“How dare you! Drinking in front of me? You think that’s funny, do you?”

“After watching your grand performance in there and knowing that another will inevitably unfold in here, I felt I might need it.”

“Why, you...! I can't believe you!”

Snape merely shrugged as a small smirk appeared and he ignored Harry, choosing to stare at the fire instead. Harry grunted and tossed back all of the coffee, half-aware of Snape's watchful eyes. Harry grimaced as the hot liquid went down and then covered his mouth when he coughed.

“Ugh. That was awfully strong.”

He coughed again and then turned his attention back on Snape. He frowned when he noticed Snape had not only set his glass down but was watching him intently. Harry blinked and glanced from his coffee cup to Snape and back again.

“Wha--what did you do?” Harry asked, now panicking.

“I gave you something to help you relax,” he said nonchalantly.

Harry jumped up and teetered slightly on his feet. “NO!”

“It’s only a relaxant, Potter.”

“NO! I can't fall asleep! You don’t understand!”

“Potter, you have been lacking a good night's rest for quite some time now. You need to get at least one--”

“No! Aren’t you listening to me? I can't! I mustn't …” Harry lost his balance and stumbled into the edge of the sofa, knocking over the table. “I can't... I can't shleep,” he slurred, groping for the back of the sofa and then slid down it.

Harry opened his eyes wide and tried to focus on the person sitting down beside him. He blinked hard and shook his head in a fruitless attempt to clear it.

“Don’t fight it, Potter.”

“Pleash. Doon do thish to me,” Harry begged.

Snape closed his eyes and tried not to hear the despair in the boy’s voice, nor see the way he slumped over onto the floor.


~*~*~*~*~


Harry.

Suddenly, Harry's head jerked up from where it was laying on his arms.

“Ron!”

Snape furrowed his brows and looked in dismay at Potter then to the empty space in the middle of the room where the boy was staring.

Harry. Help me.

“Ron, no!”

Harry pulled himself along the floor till he reached ‘Ron’.

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry. Please forgive me,” Harry sobbed, curling inwards as if he was holding someone underneath him.

Snape opened his mouth but not a word could come out.

Harry's shoulders trembled as he rocked back and forth. “I’m sorry, Ron. Gods, I’m so sorry. It’s all my fault. It’s... I should have... No! Don’t leave me! RON!”

With one last sob, Harry collapsed.


~*~*~*~*~


Severus was still sitting on the floor, shell shocked even after five minutes had passed.

Finally he whispered, “Merciful Merlin, what have I done?”

After regaining his bearings, Severus reached into his robe pocket and pulled out his wand. With a swish and a few silent words, Potter’s body rose. Severus stood up and waved his arm and pointed at the bed and the boy floated towards it. He slowly lowered Potter's body and set his wand on the bedside table. He took off Potter’s socks and shoes, placing them at the foot of the bed. He then reached for the top button on the boy’s shirt, but a patch of blood on the sleeve caught his eye. He ripped open the end of it and yanked it up.

“Foolish child.”

Severus scowled at Potter's face then turned and stepped into the fireplace. Within minutes he returned with several phials and different tools he’d need. He set them on the table and then picked up a pair of scissors. He carefully cut the soaked rag, making sure he didn’t touch the skin beneath. Severus sneered as he pulled back the self-made bandage.

“Imbecile.”

Setting the scissors down, he picked up one of the bottles and uncorked it. He poured a little on a clean towel and lightly touched the injured flesh. He glanced at Potter's face but the eyelids didn’t as much as twitch. He swabbed the skin with a different lotion and patted it dry before wrapping the area firmly. Severus knew it would be next to impossible to administer a pain potion by mouth but frankly didn’t care at this point.

Let the boy suffer for his idiocy.

Severus finished undressing Harry, half-expecting to see fresh marks elsewhere, but there were none. Once Potter was down to his briefs, Severus covered him and, picking up his wand again, the chair scooted across the floor along with the small table and his glass of alcohol.

Severus removed his robes and draped them over the back of the chair and sat down, sighing, and closed his eyes.

He knew it would be a long night.

Damn Albus.


~*~*~*~*~


”Harry. Don’t cry. It’ll be all right.”

“No, Ron! Don’t leave me!”

“Please--Please look after Hermione.”

“NO! Don’t--RON! NO! Come back!”

“Harry...?” a weak voice called out.

Harry lifted his head from Ron’s chest. “Her--Hermione?”

“I can hear you, Harry. Where are you?”

Harry scrambled over to her. Her eyes were filled with blood from the large cut on her forehead and her right leg was a bloody stump.

“Oh, gods! Someone help me!”

“Harry? Where’s Ron, Harry? I can't see him.”

“He's… he’s over there, Hermione. It’ll be all right. Don’t worry. It’ll be all right. Someone help me!”

“Harry Potter,” a low voice drawled from behind him and Harry looked over his shoulder.

Lucius Malfoy.

Seeing the raised wand in his hand, Harry instinctively covered Hermione's body with his own.

“Ah. Young love.”

“Shut up!”

“Move aside, Mr Potter.”

“No! You’ll have to go through me first!”

“It’s not you I intend to kill.”

“Harry,” Hermione gasped. “Go.”

“No!”

“You see, Mr Potter? Even she knows when the end is at hand.”

“Shut UP!”

“Leave her, Potter. The Weasley boy is dead and she’s dying. Now go.”

“NO!”

Malfoy sighed. “Why are you risking your life for her, Mr Potter? Look at her. I will be doing her a favour by putting her out of her misery. Besides, she’s only a Mudbloo--”

“Avada Kedavra!”

Harry’s hand scrambled for his wand but it was too late. When he looked up, Lucius Malfoy was lying at his feet.

Dead.

Harry looked back at Hermione just in time to see her wand hand fall to the ground. Her eyes were open but Harry wasn’t sure if she could see him.

“Hermione?”

She smiled at him, then gasped. Her eyes rolled back in her head.

“NO!”

He grabbed her shoulders and began to shake her.

“Wake up! Do you hear me? Wake up and look at me!”

Hermione opened her eyes. “H--Harry. Let me go.”

“No! I won't let you die!”


~*~*~*~*~


“Potter! Potter!”

Harry jumped up on the bed and held out his arm.

“Avada Kedavra!”

Snape's eyes widened and froze. Harry blinked several times before realising what he had done. What he could've done had he a wand.

He sank to his knees.

“I’m sorry, Professor. I’m so, so sorry. I didn’t know. Oh gods, I’m so sorry.”

Snape said nothing as he approached Harry. Harry cringed, waiting for Snape to do something, anything to him, but the man just passed him by and stopped in front of his bedside table. Harry let out a small sigh of relief and looked down to his lap. He gasped when he saw the fresh bandages and gaped at Snape in horror.

“Yes, I’ve already seen that, Mr Potter. However, I must say your skill with the knife needs improvement.”

Harry’s breath caught in his throat and he stared at him in disbelief.

Snape looked over at him from the corner of his eye.

“You’re still alive, if death was your intention.”

Harry found his voice. “No! I wasn’t trying to kill myself! I was--” Snape raised a brow. “I wasn’t! I was trying to… to… to make the pain go away,” he finished quietly.

Snape turned to him and handed him a small bottle. “Ending pain by adding pain? Interesting concept.” Harry scowled at him. “Here. Drink this.”

Seeing Harry's eyes open, Snape said curtly, “It’s a small dosage of the Dreamless Sleep. Now drink.”

Harry bowed his head. “Oh. Sorry.”

He swallowed it all in one gulp and handed the phial back to Snape's waiting hand.

“It would be best if you lie back down, Potter. It won't take long before the potion takes effect.”

Harry nodded and slid under the sheets. He turned on his side and watched as Snape settled back into the chair.

“I really am sorry, Professor.”

“Severus.”

“Sorry?”

“My name is Severus. Since we are now... colleagues, it wouldn’t be too inappropriate for you to call me by my first name.”

Harry blushed. “Oh. Right. Sev-er-- Sev-er-us.”

“Merlin. If it’s that hard to pronounce, I’d rather you call me Professor.”

Harry smiled and blushed harder. “S-sorry." Harry paused briefly, then furrowed his brows. "Sir. Er--”

“What is it, Potter?”

“Are you going to call me Harry now?”

Snape smirked. “Doubtful.” Harry’s smile turned into a full grin. “Go to sleep.”

“Yes, Professor.”

“Impudent brat.”


~*~*~*~*~


Snape watched as Harry nestled comfortably under the duvet and closed his eyes. Soon the small smile turned into a frown and Severus took a deep breath before sighing heavily. He knew what the boy was thinking. It didn’t take a genius to understand, though. The boy was shit at hiding his feelings.

“It wasn’t your fault, Potter.”

Harry's eyes snapped open and he bolted straight up, the covers pooling around his waist. “What?”

“Miss Granger is alive because of you.”

“But Ron--”

“Mr Weasley’s fate was already sealed the moment he stepped in front of you.”

“But if I had been looking--!”

“But you weren't able to. And Mr Weasley--Ron--knew that. He knew what he was doing when he decided to shield you.”

It felt strange to Severus to say the Weasley boy’s given name, but somehow he felt it was the right thing to say.

Harry closed his eyes. “But why? Why did he do that?”

Severus leaned forward. “Potter. You would have done exactly the same thing for him.”

“But I didn’t! He risked his life--”

“Yes, he did. For you. Just as you did for Miss Granger.”

Harry buried his face in his hands. “H-He begged me to help him.”

“Potter. Potter, listen to me. Ron sacrificed his life for you and in return, what did he ask of you?”

“I--”

“What did he ask?” Severus demanded.

“He asked me to look after Hermione,” he whispered.

“And you did, didn’t you?” Harry nodded. “Potter, she’s alive because of you. You were willing to give up your life for hers just as Ron did for you. You never once left her side until help arrived.” He pulled Harry's hands down. “Did you?”

Tears fell down Harry's face as he slowly shook it. “No,” he mouthed.

“And you’ve looked after her since then, haven't you?”

Harry closed his eyes and nodded. “Sh-she killed--”

“Yes, I know. And she's getting help for that.”

Harry snapped his head up. “But I can help! I can--”

“No, Potter. You can't. This is something she has to work out for herself.” Severus leaned closer. “Just as you need to do,” he paused, “with your own demons.”

Harry nervously looked away. “I-I have to get some sleep now.”

“Potter, you need to talk about this.”

Harry slid back down and covered himself, pulling the duvet up over his shoulders.

“I’m tired. I should--”

“Potter--”

“No, really. I’m fine. I just need to sleep.”

Severus sat back and sighed.

“Very well. I’ll be here if you need anything.”

“Thank you... Severus.”


~*~*~*~*~


“I will! I promise!”

Severus snapped his eyes open, only to witness Harry tossing and turning on the bed.

’Damn. It wasn’t strong enough,’ Severus thought, scolding himself.

He stood over Harry and as soon as his hand touched Harry's arm to wake him, Harry scrambled clumsily to his knees on the bed and wrapped his arms around him.

“I love you! I’ll always love you!”

Severus stood motionless, wondering if the boy was now awake or still dreaming. Harry squeezed tighter and Severus slowly curled his arms around Harry's smaller frame and unconsciously stroked the boy’s messy hair. His body was trembling as much as Potter’s. It had been a long time since Severus had held someone this close. He let his eyes fall shut.

When Severus realised what was pressing into his abdomen, he panicked and tried to pull Harry off him.

“No! Please. Don’t let go of me,” Harry sobbed, pushing his body further into him.

Severus gasped. “P-Potter.”

Harry buried his face into Severus’ neck and held onto him with all his might.

“Please, Severus.”

Severus inwardly sighed. At least the boy knew he was with him instead of... someone else.

“Don’t let me go,” Harry whispered.

“All right,” Severus said softly back.

Harry inhaled deeply, his body shuddering when he slowly breathed out. That small movement was enough to cause a similar reaction in Severus. He tried to will it away. He knew this wasn’t appropriate, but the boy’s scent was strong and his body was warm and full of life. Severus closed his eyes. He shouldn’t be doing this. He knew better. It was against everything he believed in and it would also be taking advantage of--

“Severus?”

“Hmm?” was the only thing he could manage to say.

“Lie with me?”

Suddenly, Severus became very inarticulate. “I--don’t think... Uh, Potter, this isn’t--”

“Please?”

‘Damn the boy.’

He tried to pull away again, but Harry held fast

“Harry,” he said after clearing his throat, “you don’t want this. This is only because of the dream you had and--Ah!” He cried out when Harry grabbed the back of his trousers and thrust him forward. “Damn it, Potter! You don’t know what you are doing!”

“Severus,” Harry breathed into his ear. “Please. Just lie with me. That’s all I want.”

Even though Severus knew it was a lie, he reluctantly nodded and slowly lowered Harry down to the bed. Sitting gently beside his prone body, Severus bowed his head and shook it. Damn his compassionate side; he usually had better control than this. He sighed softly. "Just for tonight," and almost immediately regretted his spoken words.

“Just for tonight,” Harry echoed.

Almost.


~*~*~*~*~



No sooner had they lain down and faced each other, had Harry begun unbuttoning Severus’ shirt. He had to feel skin, the warmth of another body. Harry knew it was a risk to assume the man’s preference, but he had heard enough rumours to know they were more than just a coincidence.

Harry opened the shirt wide and ran his fingers through the sparse hairs. He felt the skin below quiver and smiled, knowing he was the one causing Severus’ response. Strong arms pulled him further into the chest and Harry nuzzled his head in the crook of Severus’ neck whilst pushing his palm under the shirt. He wrapped his arm around Severus’ side and wedged his leg between his.

He could hear Severus’ heartbeat, and warm air coated the top of his head as the man breathed heavily.

“Potter?”

“Yes?”

“What did you mean when you said what you are?”

There was a long pause.

“I meant who.”

“What did you mean?” Severus firmly repeated.

Harry sighed.

“Potter.”

He pulled his head back far enough to look into his eyes.

“It’s not common knowledge that I’m gay, all right?” he said suddenly angry. “And contrary to what Hermione keeps telling me, there’s not an abundance of gay wizards. I mean it’s not like there's a personal section in the Daily Prophet for that sort of thing, is there?” Harry said bitterly.

Severus stared at him long and hard. “I see.”

“What's that supposed to mean?”

Severus narrowed his eyes. “I would hardly refer to myself as a ‘what’.”

Harry paled. “No. No, that’s not what I meant.”

“Isn't it? Are you not referring to me as well?”

“No!”

“I am not a ‘what’, Potter. And neither are you.”

“I know. It’s just--”

“Just what?”

Harry closed his eyes, and placed his forehead on Severus’ chest. “You wouldn’t understand,” he murmured.

Harry gasped as he was suddenly thrown backwards and a large hand clenched his face tightly.

“Understand what, Potter? Understand how difficult it is to be different? Understand how humiliating it is when you are the brunt of every joke? To have people who despise you, make fun of you and call you names?”

“No! NO!”

“Then what?”

Harry closed his eyes and a lone tear slid down his cheek. “Understand how hard it is to find someone to love,” he whispered.

Harry inhaled sharply when fingers dug into his arms, shaking his body.

“You think I don’t understand?” Severus shouted. “You think that you are so special that nobody else but you could possibly feel that way? Do you think that just because I am old and decrepit that I care not for love?” he screamed. “Do you know how that feels, Potter? To know that you are old and decrepit and that nobody could possibly want you, let alone love you!”

Harry stared at Severus and felt his blood run cold. Severus grunted in disgust as he pushed him away and started to get up.

“No wait! Please! That’s not what I meant! Please!” He lunged forward and caught Severus’ shirt. “I didn’t mean you! I didn’t mean you!”

Severus stopped at the end of the bed and glared at him over his shoulder. The look on the man’s face was nothing but pure hatred. Unable to look at him any longer, Harry collapsed on his stomach and buried his head in his pillow, holding it tightly in his arms.

“I didn’t mean you,” he repeated, voice muffled and barely audible.

Several minutes passed before Harry felt the bed shift and a gentle hand began to massage his back. He turned his head to the side and peered up at him. Snape wasn’t looking directly at him, rather was staring at the sheets--past the sheets--his expression and eyes seemingly lost in thought. After a slight hesitation, the man removed his shoes and slowly eased his way back down, pulling Harry up and halfway over him. Harry wrapped his arm over Severus’ front and his skin tingled when he felt the hug being returned. He swallowed hard and tried to fight the tears threatening to overwhelm him; the unexpected compassion was just too much. He took several deep breaths instead and buried his face in the crook of Severus’ neck.

Another moment of silence fell between the two of them before Severus softly asked, “Who was he, Potter?”

Harry remained quiet for a few seconds before opening his mouth to speak, but nothing managed to come out. He knew Severus was waiting patiently; the time had come to say his name aloud. He closed his eyes tightly and pressed his face into Severus’ chest and mumbled the name.

“Seamus.”

There was another long pause.

“I’m sorry, Harry.”


~*~*~*~*~


“Seamus, stop it.”

“What? No one’s looking.”

Harry rolled his eyes and laughed softly. “You have the most twisted sense of humour I know of.”

Seamus chuckled in his throat and gave Harry's bum another squeeze.

“Seamus! Honestly!”

“Oh, come on, Harry. Where’s your sense of humour?”

“In case you hadn't noticed, we got separated from our group, had to outrun several curses--a few of which barely missed us, in fact--before forcing our two grown men’s bodies into a cave so small we have to lie side by side and can barely move. So tell me again, Seamus, how is this supposed to be funny?”

Seamus thought for a moment then smiled.

“Because I can do this--”

“Seamus!”

“--and no one can see it.”

Smiling, Harry shook his head before peering out of the small opening, trying to see something. Anything.

“Harry?”

“Mmm?”

“I wish…”

Harry looked back at him. “Don’t, Seamus. Don’t say it.”

“I just wish we had more time, you know?”

“Seamus, stop.”

“But… at least I know that one of us…”

“Stop it!”

“Harry, I’m trying to be serious.”

“Well, you can stop it!”

Seamus twisted his body enough to lie on his side, facing Harry. He looked pleadingly at him and Harry smiled gently, his heart finally giving in to the desperate look of hope. He twisted his own body to lie on its side. Seamus pushed him into him instantly and both gasped as their bodies became one. Though it was hard to do in such a cramped cave, Harry managed to wedge his leg between Seamus’ and force his arm between the small gap separating Seamus’ side and the top of the cave. He pulled Seamus close.

“Harry…”

“Shh.”

“I want to touch you. Touch your skin. Just once… Just one more time before--”

“Shh. We can do that later.”

“No, we--Mrph!”

Harry kissed him deeply. He didn’t want to hear anything more than the way Seamus breathed into his ear. The way Seamus moaned as their bodies frantically clung to each other. There would be plenty of time later. Time for more than just this.

There would be.

“Harry,” Seamus panted, breaking off the kiss. “Harry, I--”

Harry silenced him again with another deep kiss. Their moans of passion filled the small cave until the inevitable climax overwhelmed them both.

“Oh gods!” Seamus cried. “Harry!”

Harry buried his face into his lover’s neck and followed him into the temporary bliss of ecstasy. When their heartbeats finally slowed and their breathing returned to normal, Seamus pulled back and tear-filled eyes pleaded with him.

“Promise me, Harry. Promise me.”

Harry closed his eyes and gathered Seamus into his arms and held him onto him for dear life.

“I will. I promise.”


~*~*~*~*~

Chapter 3